“I miss it. The song was more sympathetic than this silence. The back of my legs are shivering, making my ass twitch. Maybe I should get back in the car.”
This section was very evocative. Your choice of sensory details was funny but effective. It’s hard to do both and maintain tension. It also served as a great transition between the way Bianca’s inner monologue under cut tension with humor before the reality of the danger in the Dyer household, and the way it becomes more externally focused when she was in the house. Even when the focus is more internal the tone changes significantly. Like in this line.
“And Sheriff doesn’t strike me as a hero.”
I appreciate the way you hit the beats with this chapter. There’s some subtle gothic influence (intentional or not) that I like. Rich people with secrets and a dungeon etc
Thank you for this thoughtful comment! The gothic elements are definitely intentional, the tonal stuff play by ear and hope for the best! I’m glad it seems to be communicating what I want too 🩷
Thank you! And yes… that tracks. I’ve never done it, but everyone in there looks scary. Why are they moving giant tires like that? What’s up with the religious vibe?
The tire is a symbol of our constant struggle to be loved. By moving the tire, we show that while love is heavy, we can still move it away from us and find peace in never having to see it again.
I meant to also say the scratching under the house as she walked in and then again while in the living room. excellent. during the whole talk about ridding the earth of the disease of course i got a little upset about how much it parallels christian views on queerness. ugh
Oh you’re gonna leave it right there 😱😱 aaaaa!! This was so intense!!
Also Gwen DOESNT KNOW 😱😱
IM NOT SAYING A WORD 🤐
Goddamnit that’s a GREAT way to end a chapter
Couldn’t miss that opportunity
WHAT?!?! Aaaaaaahhhhh! Man, what a damn cliffhanger. Great freaking job with the tension here.
Hehe thank you walt! Was very fun to write
OMG reading this chapter with my hands over my eyes!
Ahhh! It’s a tense one. Thank you, Rosie
“I miss it. The song was more sympathetic than this silence. The back of my legs are shivering, making my ass twitch. Maybe I should get back in the car.”
This section was very evocative. Your choice of sensory details was funny but effective. It’s hard to do both and maintain tension. It also served as a great transition between the way Bianca’s inner monologue under cut tension with humor before the reality of the danger in the Dyer household, and the way it becomes more externally focused when she was in the house. Even when the focus is more internal the tone changes significantly. Like in this line.
“And Sheriff doesn’t strike me as a hero.”
I appreciate the way you hit the beats with this chapter. There’s some subtle gothic influence (intentional or not) that I like. Rich people with secrets and a dungeon etc
Thank you for this thoughtful comment! The gothic elements are definitely intentional, the tonal stuff play by ear and hope for the best! I’m glad it seems to be communicating what I want too 🩷
Brilliant! By the way, those that do CrossFit very often smell like wet dog after a session.
Thank you! And yes… that tracks. I’ve never done it, but everyone in there looks scary. Why are they moving giant tires like that? What’s up with the religious vibe?
The tire is a symbol of our constant struggle to be loved. By moving the tire, we show that while love is heavy, we can still move it away from us and find peace in never having to see it again.
See? There’s the religious stuff I was talking about about…
Kind of beautiful tho
The family is definitely crazy.
I love a GOOD cliffhanger. It’s like, literacy edging. 😏🫦
That’s what we should call it instead
I support this.
Ahhh what the fuck, not the cliffhanger! The tension is so good I can taste it in my mouth. Loved it. I'll be thinking of the next one.
Couldn’t help myself! Thank you, Edith!
gaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh what?!? This chapter was so good. The weirdness, the tension, the guns. Dammit. Well done.
Hehehe I was looking forward to getting your eyes on this. Thank you 💗
I meant to also say the scratching under the house as she walked in and then again while in the living room. excellent. during the whole talk about ridding the earth of the disease of course i got a little upset about how much it parallels christian views on queerness. ugh
Yes…they must have big squirrels in their basement or something… maybe raccoons… (thank you)
And yeah, the parallels with the queer experience are there. It was inevitable, it was intentional. 💔
Ahhh cliffhanger
Ohmygosh that was so *tense*
Gwen doesn’t know?!?!
Oh this is so exciting
🤭🤭🤭
Wheeee!!!!! 😁
A ringing endorsement, thank you Greg!
I was nodding along at first, "can't tell your family," sure, "can't go to the police," makes sense, "Gwen can't know."
What?
Excuse me?
How the . . .
What?
Yeahhhh 🫣🤐
The suspense! This chapter was dreadfully fun to read.
Thank you, Lee!!
You... You. YOU!!!! Gaaaaaaah.